Society Brief #4 - How're We Attracted to One Another?
What the science of attraction tells us
https://doi.org/10.5281/zenodo.15372973
Existing scholarship, especially in the field of psychology, investigates what draws one human to another. This piece, drawing on diverse psychological research, presents a multifaceted picture, revealing that attraction is a complex interrelationship of conscious desires, subconscious biases, evolutionary outcomes, and the very human tendency to seek reflections of ourselves in others. This piece provides an insight into how initial impressions, often rooted in visual attributes, give way to deeper, more nuanced connections.
Physical Attraction
Research indicates that the most controversial, yet undeniably potent, factor in the initial stages of attraction is physical appearance. Physical attractiveness is more important than we typically think. Many of us consciously downplay the significance of looks, prioritising qualities like humour, kindness, or intelligence. Yet, our real-world behaviours, particularly when swift judgment is required in online dating or initial encounters, often contradict our stated preference.
Physical attractiveness usually serves as a screening mechanism, signalling health, fertility, and age-appropriateness. This does not imply that everyone is shallowly seeking partners akin to supermodels or Hollywood stars; rather, as Dion et al. (1972) and Griffin & Langlois (2006) suggest, a “moderate level of attractiveness” often serves as a necessary baseline.
This “necessity” ensures a potential partner clears the initial screening, while exceptional attractiveness might often be seen as a “luxury.” The paradox lies in our reluctance to consciously acknowledge this human disposition, given that social and cultural norms which often deem such a mindset superficial. However, research consistently shows that physical appearance often dominates early decision-making for both men and women, even if men are more likely to admit its importance (Lippa, 2007; Eastwick et al., 2011). Furthermore, the “halo effect” — where attractive individuals are presumed to possess other positive qualities — reinforces this initial filter, often giving physically attractive individuals an advantage.
“Similarity-Attraction Effect”
Beyond the visual, research highlights another important psychological driver. Dr. Charles Chu’s research into the “similarity-attraction effect” uncovers a fascinating cognitive mechanism: “self-essentialist reasoning.” This is the belief that we possess a deep, unobservable “essence” that dictates our tastes, values, and interests. When we encounter someone who shares even a single, seemingly trivial interest — be it a favourite band or an unpopular snack — we tend to infer that they must also share our broader “essence.”
This provides a cognitive shortcut, allowing us, as Chu puts it, to “see more of ourselves in new people and strangers.” It is a crucial mechanism for forming rapid connections, explaining why shared laughter or a mutual appreciation for a niche hobby can result in attraction. The same mechanism that draws us to those we perceive as similar can also lead us to swiftly reject those who express a single, contradictory opinion, deeming them “fundamentally bad and not like me.”
Proximity, Similarity, Reciprocity, Physical Attractiveness, Familiarity
Dr Claire Hart and Dr Alex Jones broaden the discussion by outlining five key factors in attraction: proximity, similarity, reciprocity, physical attractiveness, and familiarity. These often intertwine. Proximity, for instance, naturally fosters familiarity. Historically, our pool of potential partners was limited by geographical closeness. Seeing someone regularly creates a sense of comfort and predictability, which links to our evolutionary past where familiarity signalled safety. Hart and Jones also introduce the concept of “sexual imprinting,” where early life experiences, particularly with parental figures, might shape our preferences. If we grew up around a funny relative, we might subconsciously seek out humour in a partner. This suggests that our “type,” if it exists, might be partly moulded by these early exposures to familiar, positive traits.
However, in today’s world, the advent and popularisation of dating apps, in particular, have profoundly changed the roles of proximity and choice. Technology has vastly expanded our potential dating pool, leading to what some have termed an “infinite level of choice.” This “paradox of choice” can lead to shifting criteria and a dilution of our perceived “type.” We become less picky, or rather, our pickiness is constantly recalibrated by the sheer volume of options.
Conclusions
Research indicates that the nature of attraction is not static. The importance of physical attractiveness tends to diminish as relationships deepen and we come to know, like, and respect our partners more. What might begin with a satisfactory first impression or a shared interest must eventually be sustained by deeper compatibility. Furthermore, “socio-sexual orientation” — whether we are seeking short-term or long-term relationships — can influence what traits are deemed attractive, and these orientations themselves can change throughout life.
The psychology of attraction should not be reduced to a single textbook formula. Attraction often begins with physical attractiveness that serves as an initial filter, usually operating beneath our conscious awareness. This is swiftly followed or accompanied by other attributes such as perceived similarity. Social and spatial attributes such as familiarity and proximity can also serve as facilitators for these connections to form.
Understanding these social, psychological, and evolutionary mechanisms can empower us to approach our relationships with greater self-awareness. Such an approach leads to a deeper understanding of why and how attraction matters, is formed, and is sustained.
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While physical attraction, what we say as “love at first sight,” can create an intense initial spark I guess but it tends to fade quickly often after just a few intimate encounters. For a sustained connection, u have to synchronise emotionally, psychologically n mentally..can v say spiritually?